Emptied Intrusions of Hope

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Truly elusive are the answers that we as humans seek, for absolutely nothing in our reality is for sure except our own perceived occurrences. I have had troubles with mild visual and auditory hallucinations since I was small. Mostly consisting of shadows as knocks but have at times they have grown to proportions of indescribable size. I was in a very bad place a few years back and during that time I was experimenting with antidepressants (something I strongly recommend against) which made the illusions impossible to decipher. Pragmatism was made relatively impossible and it severely impeded my ability to function.

After I halted my use of drugs the hallucinations began to occur on fewer occasions and with a reduced severity. This really helped to mediate and allowed for a shift in focus towards more mundane tasks compared to attacking delusion. To this day still I experience oddities and glimpses into my past which seem to coincide with my lapses of intellect. I have a tendency to allocate my resources wholly towards introspection which sadly leads to the resurgence of spectres. None of harm but of brawn and little thought towards outlying attention. Overall though most of the time it is barely of notice and expression removes any harm that might have been caused.

Along the line of hallucinations is dissociation. I experience this very often but I would not consider it to be overtly harmful, honestly I see it as an inefficient coping mechanism. If you don’t know, dissociation is when you enter a dreamlike state; of detachment from reality. I seem to do it whenever I am burdened by stress or sadness. If in a feel of depression I will over think and end up deluding myself to the brink writ. Its at this point when I will dissociate for a while and often times end up asleep or in a flurry of creative expression. Neither cause injury so tend to embrace the recollection if my mind.

I’m awfully tired this hour so writing much of substance is a difficult endeavor. I will bid farewell here and leave you to read a piece I wrote about dissociation. View retention of morbid thoughts as an orphaned mare, yours truly

Noah

Illusions of a Bright an Burdened Soul

Focused on a single arbitrary point of lapsing force, wandering upon stolen ruin the animal was to be marooned. Shifted force upon level judgments alluded to the wry mind of the fish. Slippery and shaded she wrought fury upon the gates of illusion. Nothing budged nor even bothered to look, it was relentless erosion by a void of emotion. Lacking substance,  it consumed until darkness faded into view. Engulfing thought and clear discernment, maniacal emptiness pursued by my intent.

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3 thoughts on “Emptied Intrusions of Hope

  1. Reblogged this on crowdCONNX and commented:
    Reading this and his other work is both enjoyable (love the English language being used to its full extent) and dark. This gentleman does not shy from sharing his very personal journey with depression and all that comes with it.

    M

    Liked by 1 person

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