Nobody truly understands others… Our fixation on self abundance brings forth the worst and leave little time to engage in external plights. I see so many well intentioned people digging through metaphorical piles of waste searching for meaning but only finding only refused pain… I watch all of this happen before me and it pains my heart; it hurts my body and tortures my thought for I cannot help but feel despair as realizing that they, and in turn I may never escape this endless loop of resuscitation. There are boxes that we all must reside within, and breaking free of those boxes will cost no less than blood and suffering. Contending with loss like this is, at least for me, near impossible and I do believe that I may just drop out and confirm myself to this presupposed belief of work and retirement. And yet if I do I will be lost and my thought will dissipate and nothing of what I have done will be of any matter… in the end I may just be entirely fucked.