If I Was An It

If I was an it
And all an it did was sit
Would it be that I’d have to
Sit my last days out
As simply an it?



A Proposal

-At this point we are, truly being optimistic here, medial at best… Our services have been steadily gaining popularity within these past months, but after last night’s debacle I do feel that the losses we have incurred will dramatically impede our functional growth, with the effects spreading out for years to come. That’s why today I stand before you with a plan for success and rejuvenation  Now I will not promise immediate benefit but what I shall propose is much more sustainable and suitable for the position we are in today. If you are so inclined to move forward with my plans we will experience marginal growth, but altogether steady and maintainable growth. Our predictions suggest that if everything goes as we expect it to, our plan will halt user dissatisfaction and bring our checkbooks to blossom for at least seven and a half years to come!

-This meeting was called by me and my associates, and you all accepted under the assumption that the veil on my plan would be lifted today for you… Which sadly I can say will not happen, in order for it to be successful all of you must be kept in the blind for a few days here while we iron out some of the kinks in our re-seller status. I’m sorry if that may be alarming, but I promise based on my past exhibited integrity that this will succeed, and is by far your best if not only option.

-I must ask now for a show of hands, raise all five phalanges on your left hand….


-Yes, yes sir, just beside your right eye, that is indeed correct. Now if you’re all ready, raise all five phalanges on your left hand up beside your right eye if you want to proceed with my plans.

-(A solitary set of phalanges was raised)

-Oh no…


I must say I was incredibly stoned when I did this, no comment on what it was in relation to either…