Attempting To Take A Peaceful Shower

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Its been a while, hey.

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This isn’t for art or anything of much importance but I just wanted to share what I experienced earlier.

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I was taking a shower, the water was quite warm, and I was the only currant occupant of the house. I wasn’t paying mind to anything much and was in the process of washing my hair when I heard a very deep scream from the end of the hall. Now to understand how, surprising and unsettling this was I will give some more details. Our bathroom has two entrances, one leading to the bedroom (this door was shut) and another door which opens up to a hallway about thirty feet long (this door was open), which leads to the basement entrance of the house.

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The view I had from the shower.

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Since the water coming from the shower head was very hot, the whole of the bathroom was enveloped in steam. Normally I find this soothing and comforting, but now all it served to do was obstruct the view I had of the hallway. The view only given to me since I had forgotten to shut the second bathroom door. I could see only partway down the hallway, not quite enough to see its end. I quickly jerked around to look towards the source of the scream but saw nothing. I kept my eyes open for a few seconds more, alert and searching, until I realized the shampoo was burning my eyes. I blinked hurriedly and the began to wash the soap from my hair. As soon as I had shut my eyes there was another, shallower scream that seemed to come from outside of the house. I ripped open my eyelids once more and stared down the doorway leading to the sound, and I kept watch till I had finished washing myself.

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 I jumped out of the shower, bashed my toe against the metal door and rushed to close the second bathroom door. I dried myself off, and kept going on with my night.

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I thought that this was very good show of how my “hallucinations” can disrupt my everyday life. This wasn’t anything reality shattering(as they often aren’t), but it was definitely a shock to the system, and something that I feel I would have been much better off without,

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n

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(release)

Right now it’s not as if I really want to die… But I don’t want to deal with anything, with walking talking… I don’t even want to fucking breathe for it feels as if I’m sucking up nothing but the putrid fumes of others. I’m tired, bored disheveled and unimpressed with everything that I see…. Save for one but even she can’t escape my heads frothing delusion as she gets wrapped up within my own falsely concluded melodramatic fantasies…. My fears and terrors find my only good and thirst for its purity and angelical beauty. It scares me how vividly I feel without fair cause.

More Ups Than Downs

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My whole life revolves around this cyclical ride of extreme ups and downs. I’m erratic then I am responsible, I am depressed then I am overjoyed, everything is meaningless then everything is meaningful…. It becomes awfully fucking tiring… I become exhausted and because the good does outweigh the bad people always go on about how Ive just got to deal with the bad shit. The bad it so imcomparably disgusting though that going through that leaves a trail behind the experience of it. It seems to infect the good that I do have and muddy up it all.
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n