The Glue Sniffing Zucchini Thief

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I never wanted to be
Your traditional outlaw
No grimy smile or far flung loogie
No sturdy steed or metal spurs
No no no that was not for me
What I always wanted to do
Was to be something unique
Something proud and free
Progressive and elegant
So of course I wanted to be
A glue sniffing zucchini thief
Ahah yes;
That would indeed be
the life for me.
~
n

Windy, Windy Eyes

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Those eyes are floating
I keep finding them bouncing around 
Right outside that window in my head
Pupils right down on mine they stare
And show me what I never could care: to view
That meaning, that charming intent
That absurd validity that so eluded me
But those floating eyes they found it
Right there brooding inside my  dusted head
Stir, stir, stir, around inside my mush 
And do try to seek and find my mind
But you could never truly find me within.
~
Lies; Those little eyes though they found me.
The me I may never get to know.
~
n

 

The Lumps

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I see them walking round

Through boundless fields

And yet they do not bound

They stay put on the ground

So I call those grimy mounds

The sickened ones; yes I do

For they don’t try to lead life

And they can’t aim to maintain

They just have to lump

That’s all they know to do…

And that’s all they want

To simply be a lump.

~

n

The Truth

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Whether or not you see it
The truth is quite true
And it won’t ever change
So see the truth please
Cause if you dont see it
You’ll become like a lie
And I don’t associate with 
The slyest fools like you
So do try to see the truth
Please do it for me
And do it for you.

~

n

Down That Dark River In My Mind

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I’m not quite sure why it is I lose all sense of relief…. But I do, occasionally… Maybe not just that, often I guess… I will fall into these states of what I would lie to call disillusion. I wade slowly, toes first into the deep dark freak filled holes of my mind. My thoughts lose all preconceived shape and directed form. I will begin to feel my being float away…. I float deeper and deeper down a river of pessimism and despair… And I mean frankly, it feels nice. I’m not floating upon anything specifically physical, its more so a delivered concept. One that has been conceived and created within a space deprived of realism… I’m not quite sure the words to choose for it because its this feeling, this state, and it really is very odd. It is quite the opposite of a cloud; not fluffy but dense and heavy… It is not bright and happy for it looks as the darkest black and reeks of depressive antidotes. Most importantly a cloud floats, and this river I find my self engulfed in does not… Any part of it, float… It sucks all of you up, your mind, your body, your hopes and your memories…. Seeping into my being the darkness then wiggles into every fold of my rest seeking mind. 

~

And I find that once I’m feeling a bit better (its always eventually happened so far), I towel off, and I get the darkness to dissipate and leave my body….. But in those aforementioned folds, they have inscribed within, a memory. And every time I lose my flaccid hopes and ambitions, my tumultuous lucidity seems to evaporate…. The dark river, it leaves behind a certain type of savagery within the folds of my sordid self…. The next time I lapse into another one of my states, and I find myself once again upon a blackened river… it is always worse than the last time I was enveloped, because that darkness has stuck itself to me…. it has become rooted inside of my action and intent. I really do not want to fear for what that could lead to but it seems that I am turning spoiled, rotten as any could.

~

This is just sorta how I view/explain my states of…. not being myself, whether it be the physical pain or dread that pounces on me every few days… the despair is drawn to me and continues to build up until I snap out of my state. I still really haven’t figured out how to escape from my tumbles… It just seems to happen.

n

From Within; I Will Be Harmed

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Holding over my head
Forgiveness and love
As if it isn’t a given
She cries and rattles
Telling me she’s sorry
That I caused her pain
But says she forgives
I sob and rememeber
So I take the burden
With my final sorrow
I bring her back within-
~
But little did I know
That this was untrue
And she was a quiet
Silent enemy of faith
Her wretched mind
Tore up my intents
And called back my
Hopeless reliance on
Love and forgiveness
A reliance that she so
Kindly fostered within-
~
I don’t want to be this
But what could I do
I cannot run from her
And so I can’t escape
I must quietly refrain
And do my part well
So that she does not
Tear out my wilting
Heart from within.

~

This is an older piece I did but I really wanted to do some actually art for it…. which ended up coming out like a comic of sorts…Hope you enjoy it… I quite liked it…

n