Abra Cadabra

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It’s magical
It’s all really just magic
The dollying, the twirling about
The drastic devisive contortions
Of method and means alike
It’s just a big trick; a myth 
The job hunting and calorie counting
The repetition for appreciation 
I really can see right through it
Because I am the magician
It’s all a trick; Abra Cadabra!
~

The Power of Percieved Meaninglessness

A fluttering reflection on past expression, it will engulf me… It will take me over with a hasty and feverish bout of necessity. I don’t ever feel a longing though, never a thought towards the reincarnation of relationship, or the suppression of my muddied meaning. I truly don’t…. The way I interpret and see, the way I perceive my own windy reality is a blessing, truly more beautiful and meaningful than anything else I’ve come across. It’s kept my head above the mud, above the raging dunes of depression and crashing waves of anger. My pessimistic and meaningfully meaningless outlook has kept me going.
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And I think, however morose or melancholy I find myself… I rarely feel regret, I rarely need to feign empathetic decision either because I am a rotten log flowing down the river. I don’t resist anymore; As more and more of my rotted branches snap off I become increasingly lenient and rightfully resigned, and even more removed from commitment to endure. My mind allows itself to accept, to not grieve over possibilities or failures, and it allows me to keep floating down the river.
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Now I can be a very anxious person, and I can be incredibly… frighteningly angry and deprived…. But in the end I am quite well suited to follow into the unknown. To delve down dark corridors and I can  accept, and I’m honestly proud of that. It is one of the few things that will give me belief in myself, in my mustered resilience.
~
n

I Want To Be

Alleviate my weakness, my strength and my beliefs… Trust me when I say I would if i could, if I could truly embrace the sanctity of my compulsion. I just want to exist without my worry or my hesitation. I simply want to be. I simply want to be me.

n

A Thought 

“I love you
I love you
I love you
I love you
I love you”

Shut the fuck up… She probably doesn’t know

You wish she did, I do too but she doesn’t so just leave it alone

Back up, walk away… Avoid commitment, expression

But I want it, I need it…

Okay

n